mamas muse

Come here

2006-08-05T21:40:00.000-07:00

Have I said it before, how much I love my husband?

Update your links, here is my new blog - http://www.mamasmuse.com/ Make sure you check out the filmstrip of images below my banner. Click on an image and you’ll get a larger version. Click on that larger version and you’ll see the next in the strip.

Some minor stuff will change, but it is ready for guests.

Dave has been up late this week, shaking his beer glass at me over his shoulder, working on my blog. And thanks, Dave, you rock. I love it and I appreciate it, too.

So come on over and visit my new home.

Struggling

2006-07-29T18:48:00.000-07:00

I am really unhappy here at Blogger. I’ve been having issues with uploading my photos, and it drives me crazy. I am going to move the blog somewhere else, and I am not yet sure where. Any ideas out there? I am considering either Typepad or my own website. I have been fooling around with Typepad and I can’t seem to break into the HTML to alter the design how I want it. I want to keep the look the same, but I’d like something that does a nicer job hosting my photos. And ultimately, I don’t want to ever move again, so I want something that fits so well, I can stay forever. And Blogger ain’t it.

Simon

2006-07-24T15:58:00.000-07:00

Summer is not Simon’s favorite season this year. He is at an age where consistency* and dependability is what he craves and our passive summer schedule is driving him a little nuts. Sure I keep to the same morning and bedtime routines, but we have weeks of travel and then sporadic jolts of summer camp spread throughout our meandering lazy summer. He misses the routine of school and the dependability of his friends there. Lately he has been subtly showing his displeasure by singing a song at the top of his lungs while I am driving. The song is called ‘Boo Hoo! Your Butt Stinks!’ and the clever boy wrote all the lyrics himself.

It doesn’t help that it has been extra blistering hot here. In the still coolness of the mornings I sit on the concrete stoop on the back patio with my coffee and watch the dew sizzle up. The slightly damp smell of dirt mixes with a waft of shampoo from the open bathroom window. Those scents mixed with the inevitable blast of summer sunshine transports me back to summer camp memories. I catch a sliver of that feeling of endless summer, pure and free.

The other morning we were sitting just so. I was watching Tess poke nature into the broken handle of her rocking horsie, filling his blue plastic body with shadowy X-rays of sticks and rocks. Simon was gleeful in the lawn, catching fat, furry bumble bees in his bare hands. Once captured, he’d hold his cupped hands up to his ear and listen to the bumble song while the beating wings ticked his palms softly. Delighted, he’d set one bee free and then make another friend. It is easy to predict the end of this story, easy to imagine the sudden look of shock on Simon’s face that ended the game. With tears blasting down his face he choked out “Why Mama? Why doesn’t that bee love me?” And for the rest of the day, pointing at bees suspiciously saying “I don’t think THAT bee is my friend, Mama.”

Simon has a soft spot in his heart for insects and animals. He is the one who lays on the couch gently stroking our old dog's ear while she sleeps. His ability to squat, still and unmoving, holding a potato bug, is beautiful. His delight (when he notices microscopic baby potato bugs wrapped in the legs of the mama bug) becomes my delight. His tender love for the small creatures of the earth is in such stark contrast to his usual electrified antics that it warms my heart. He never lets a butterfly pass without making us all look at it.

Now then. If you own a canoe and the weather is over 100 degrees and it is a weekend day, then you would be a huge fool not to load the canoe on the top of your car and head to a lake. Which is why we spent last Saturday at Clear Lake on Mt. Hood. On the rocky edge of this lake we spread our quilt and set the umbrella over it. We ate apples and watched the boys swim. Then Simon discovered a tiny, rock colored baby frog, who he immediately fell in love with. I was worried (but not worried enough to get my ass out of the beach chair) that he was going to love the tiny frog to death as it was transported from one bucket of rocks and water to another. Simon begged to take this froggie friend home. You could see straight through his brown eyes into his soul and see that indeed he loved this little frog with every pore of his body. But eventually, on his own volition, he did finally set the frog free in the lake and stood, waving kisses after its pumping legs. Simon is good at loving something and setting it free.

(*Simon likes to strip down and use the hose and a hole of dirt to create the proper consistency. Once properly mixed with sticks, and smeared from head to toe, the CHOCOLATE MONSTER!!!!! is ready for big hugs.)

One night in Canada, we decided to have a party.

2006-07-20T13:28:00.000-07:00

Everyone had a job. Simon and I did costumes. We made paper crowns out of staples and construction paper. Simon painted faces (Papa John did mine). Miranda decorated with balloons, candles, flowers, and metallic confetti stars. Omi and Sammy organized games. We played duck duck goose and had a scavenger hunt. Emily made a towering, layered dessert with slabs of meringue, whipped cream, fresh berries, drizzled with flowers and chocolate. Papa John made Sangria with fresh oranges. Jesse and Lexi made dinner with marinated steak and something else (can’t remember). Dave made barbequed chicken and did dishes.

We danced, we ate, we laughed. And at the very end we did a Yankee Swap gift exchange. We had to make or buy a gift for under 5 dollars and then we chose and stole and swapped gifts. In the end Dave got a mug with a Canadian Flag on it. I got a small, heavy, stainless steel cooking pot. Lexi got an over the shoulder bag that Jesse sewed by hand. Jesse got some fake tattoos. Miranda got some books that Papa John made. Emily got a necklace that Sammy beaded. Sammy got some animal shaped water squirters. Simon got a little bird that Lexi had knit. Omi got a date with Simon to go out for ice-cream. Tess got a sweater that Omi knit. And for the life of me, I can’t remember what Papa John ended up with.

Anyway, it was such a fun evening!

2006-07-20T13:20:00.000-07:00

Tess, continued

2006-07-17T22:05:00.000-07:00

Tess

2006-07-17T21:27:00.000-07:00

Simon, continued

2006-07-14T10:10:00.000-07:00

Simon

2006-07-13T20:30:00.000-07:00

Sammy

2006-07-13T19:02:00.000-07:00

Emily

2006-07-12T12:52:00.000-07:00

Lexi

2006-07-12T12:21:00.000-07:00

Jesse & Lexi

2006-07-12T12:10:00.000-07:00

Jesse

2006-07-12T11:41:00.000-07:00

Me

2006-07-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

(oh, it is hard to choose photos of me...)

Miranda

2006-07-11T18:08:00.000-07:00

my Dave

2006-07-11T12:52:00.000-07:00

I love these ones of Dave and Tess - Big Man and Tiny Girl - Father and Daughter

Omi

2006-07-11T12:45:00.000-07:00

(I love this one of Omi, laughing while playing cards)

Portraits from our vacation

2006-07-11T12:16:00.000-07:00

One of the coolest parts of the vacation for me was my brother’s camera. Jesse just got a great new camera and my fingers twitched for it continuously. We all took a lot of photos of each other and there are quite a few nice portrait types. I’ll post them in order of ages from oldest to youngest.

Papa John

Oh oh oh, to be home again.

2006-07-10T20:33:00.000-07:00

We have been gone for two weeks, vacationing with my family in Canada, Brittish Columbia, Vancouver Island, North Saanich, Deep Cove. What a delightful two weeks full of eating and sleeping, exploring and shopping, game playing and picture taking. And more! So many memories are tangled in all of us, we will sort them out for years. Days beginning and ending in a beautiful house open to the water.

I still have tears for the goodbye hugs. For so long I have looked forward to this trip and I imagined two weeks would stretch on forever. It was sad when it actually came and went. I love my family with a deepness and a completeness. Still, as a 33 year old woman, when I see my mom walk away I still want to run after her, wrap my arms around her legs, and make her stay just a little longer. It warms my heart to see my children love her like that, too. Their favorite part of the vacation was simply “Omi.”

But it is so nice to be here in my own home. My own bed is the most comfortable on earth. There is a sweetness and a flow when Dave and I and the kids are here alone together. We know our routines so well and love to patter through them. The house fits us like a favorite old tee-shirt, soft and worn, slightly torn on the seams. And Bun Bun is here. We missed her so.

And so we weed through our unpacking. Fill up the empty fridge, phone our friends for new updates, and we reminisce about Canada, every once in awhile a ‘remember when...’ pops up.

Here we all are – from left to right – Lexi, Jesse, Me (aka Maaaaa!), Simon, Dave, Tess, Emily, Miranda, John (aka Papa John), Debby (aka Omi), and Sammy

Many many more photos to come. And more memories. Stay tuned.

sammy took these photos of me

2006-07-07T14:07:00.000-07:00

tess' first canoe trip

2006-07-05T11:34:00.000-07:00

On Tess' first canoe trip she was so glad that she was being included, she actually stood still as I laced the buckles of her life vest through the maze of small loops. She led the way down the rickety stairs with practically no banister as I stumbled behind clutching the loop of her PDA. She enthusiastically lurched towards the canoe as soon as we reached the concrete platform.

But when I had settled myself in the front and Dave handed her over, her feet first touched the rocking floor of the boat and she burst into tears. She clutched me, squeezing our bodies as close as our dense preservers would allow and stretching as far as possible to cram her face in my neck. I quickly gave up the idea that I would help Dave paddle and I just held her quaking little body, let her rest her cheek on me while the pattern of the water licked at Sammy’s paddle.

She gave up soaking me with snot as Dave lifted a gigantic purple starfish out of the water. She waved to the puppies on the rocks. She frowned at the men on the wooden dock wearing scuba gear. She waved at the old ladies passing on their kayaks. Then, with the sun bouncing on her face, she finally succumbed to the rhythm of the canoe. I felt her melt into me. As the sun began to set, her grey-brown eyes shifted and rocked to sleep.

boys at a driftwood beach

2006-07-04T16:16:00.000-07:00

toes

2006-07-03T19:47:00.000-07:00

bye bye dada

2006-06-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

It takes Tess a long time to say good-bye to Dave in the mornings. She has a super hero type technique of clutching him with her entire body. She tries to wave goodbye to me convincingly because in her mind, if I believe her then she can go with Dave. She cries as we pry her tiny fingers from his shirt. She stands with her forehead against the front door window for a long time after he leaves, looking for his bike, intermittedly yelling BYE BYE!

It wrings out Dave’s heart the way she loves him. Sometimes he will be halfway down the steps and her little outstretched arms and her little ‘dada dada’ will pull him back up the steps for one more hug. Once he actually took her down to the garage with him to get his bike ready and that was a huge mistake. Because now she begs for that playtime every morning, turning her volume up and her vise grips tighter.

All she wants is to go with him everywhere.

Ten Years

2006-06-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago today was the best day of my life. With my heart thumping in my throat, Dave’s huge hand surrounding mine, under a tree in the dappled shade, surrounded by our loving friends and family, I married my best friend. No matter where I am or what I am doing, the memory of our wedding always brings me goosebumps and my eyes fill with sappy happy tears.

I love you, Dave. I love looking over my shoulder at the past ten years. I love looking at you now, through the tangle of arms and legs, over the fluffy heads of our babies, under the umbrella of our home. I love peering into the future and wondering where we will find ourselves 10 years from now. I am a lucky woman to get to share my life with you.

Windy and cold by Ted Kooser

All night, in gusty winds,
the house has cupped its hands around
the steady candle of our marraige,
the two of us braided together in sleep,
and burning, yes, but slowly,
giving off just enough light so that one of us,
awakening frightened in darkness,
can see

Naked Lady

2006-06-20T07:13:00.000-07:00

Some afternoons and early evenings, Dave and I sit and mumble to each other in our patio chairs while the kids get eaten by mosquitoes. When all the doors are open and Bun Bun is out of her cage, a few times Bun Bun has slipped outside and we didn’t stop her.

She doesn’t seem to go far, really. Once we found her knocking on the neighbor’s front door (not kidding), but usually she hides under the enormous patio tree and just sleeps. Sometimes we think we should get her a collar with a bell and a home phone number. But she is fine for now. We only insist that she dresses properly. She must wear her fur and her pearls.

Ok, ok, So What if she is naked and only wearing Mardi Gras beads? You go, girlfriend.

Tidbites

2006-06-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

Sammy and I have been obsessed with playing ball. Lucky for me, my hands are so small we can share catcher’s mitts. Whenever we have some spare time, we head out to the backyard and throw the baseball back and forth, back and forth. Both of us have little oval patches of grass worn away where we usually stand. I am working on throwing better and Sammy is working on catching better. We take breaks when we hit a bad run.

Today we took a break because we heard the woodpecker hunting for bugs in the birch tree, next to where we play. We tossed our gloves over our shoulders and decided to check out the woodpecker nest. There is an old stag in our backyard, surrounded by bramble and weeds. Every year the flickers peck a new perfectly round nest hole and have babies inside. These babies are really loud. PEEP PEEP PEEPPEEP PEEP PEEP EEEP EEP PEEP all day long, and most of the night, too. But they are way cute, the way they stick their fuzzy heads with gaping mouths out of their nest while screaming for their mama to puke food down their throats. When she arrives to feed them, they choke out their cry while they swallow.

I say ‘they’ but I think there is only one baby. No overlap with the peeps. And no two heads peaking out at the same time.

After looking for awhile, Sammy and I noticed that Tess had followed us, the weeds higher than her head, with the baseball and a mitt dangling in her grasps. She is completely clued into what is up and wants to participate in everything. So we head back to ball tossing and Sammy and I get a good streak going. Back and fourth, slap, slap, slap in our worn leather gloves. The little guy has a wicked arm. My palm stings.

I ask Sammy what birds live in our yard. He hesitates throughout, but names most of them. Chickadee, humming birds, blue jays, robins, a big ole Hawk who eats everyone, and some little birds with reddish heads that we call Cranberrys. And the nest of flickers. Squirrels are not birds but eat our bird food.

There are more, we know, and we ponder them as we toss the baseball. We like the sort with the black and yellow patterning on their heads. Sammy takes a pee break in the backyard against the rock wall and then Tess spends a half an hour standing near the same spot, pulling up her shirt and arching her back like she can pretend to pee standing up. We laugh with her and then we hear the ding ding ding of the artichokes, ribs, and pumpkin polenta timer so we head inside to wash up for dinner.

sorry I have not been in the blogging mood lately

2006-06-12T13:11:00.000-07:00

I still write posts in my head but I have not been able to get them out.

The end of the school year is always full of goodbye potlucks, thank you cards, and emotional highs and lows. The kids are perpetually excited and exhausted. None of them have been sleeping well and I’ve been up nearly every hour at night to reposition someone and get them to fall back asleep. Plus, Dave is extra busy at work these days so if I glimpse a moment of stillness I tend to just flop down where I am and chill before my children whip up the winds around me again.

So many activities fill in every extra space –

Tee-ball ended last weekend with a grand finale of pizza and trophies.

We are getting back into the swing of the library with the summer reading program. I guess it is time to dust off the library bag and get back into the weekly routine of book renewing.

This past weekend we picked a million strawberries in a huge beautiful field surrounded by Oregon farmland and mountains. Tess barely needed to take a step with all the ripe strawberries within reach; she had strawberry juice dripping down every fold of her body.
And the boys have been invited to a lot of birthday parties and we spent last weekend coordinating rides to and fro and tossing out those damn plastic bags full of junk that everyone hands out.

And I am revving my motor for summer. Got a book out of the library with science projects for the kids, signed up for summer camps, made reservations for travel and camping, looking into swim classes. Never mind all the regular chores that shout at me from the sidelines. I’ll try and get myself back into blogmode.

tess in doorway

2006-06-05T22:22:00.000-07:00

take me out to the ballgame

2006-06-03T08:55:00.000-07:00

The other night in the bath I was telling Sammy about the rules of baseball, since he learns none of them in tee-ball. Sammy was so full of questions and excitement he could hardly talk fast enough to keep with his stream of consciousness. So when the neighbors offered us their unused tickets, we rounded up the family (and a friend) and headed out to the baseball park.

We were lucky we got a break from the cosmic downpour and even the sun came out for a proper sunset. Simon loved the National Anthem and couldn't figure out why everyone looked so serious during the beautiful music. We had hotdogs and ice cream and the Beavers won 7-4. Once a ball went over our heads and the fence behind us into the street. Tess made friends with everyone on the row. Now Sammy is convinced that when he grows up he'll be a professional baseball player for the Beavers.

my girl double fisting the strawberries

2006-05-30T15:08:00.000-07:00

Strawberries, the biggest I have ever seen, were on sale at Limbo. I got a box and they disappeared oh so fast in the mad scramble for after school snacks. Tess held her own, though. She held on tight.

spring cleaning, inside and out

2006-05-26T09:52:00.000-07:00

The time has come to continue spring cleaning and I started with my diet, taking a break from alcohol, ingesting my daily doses of Floridex, focusing the family diet on vegetables and protein. After about a week my energy level is way up (am I freaking you out, Dave?) and my days are punctuated with moments of euphoria just by enjoying our daily routine. Now I am just waiting for the extra baby fat to just start melting away in time for summer swimsuit wearing (is that the faint sound of the universe laughing at me?).

So I am catapulted into another round of household purging, organizing, and cleaning. This time I am dragging the kids with me in my obsessive swoop through the house. The rain has been pouring down for days on end, and our fingers have been wrinkled by sponge water.

Simon spent awhile this morning tormenting Tess by vacuuming her hair and shirt but she’s got a pretty good ear piercing scream that can make even Simon back off. Then Simon figured out how to stick the vacuum on his lower lip and make fart noises. That lasted a good 10 hysterical minutes.

Then I let them both pop up their own Trader Joes sponges and Tess followed Simon and cleaned over every spot he cleaned. I like their little system of double cleaning. They really do get spots off of the cabinets and floors. The part that fills me with giggles, though, is Simon’s constant whispering monologue with whatever he is cleaning... ‘you are filthy but don’t worry i am going to clean you up you little spot and then you will be gone - look at this dirty dirty stool - i think this is yogurt - MOM! DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I SPILLED YOGURT ALL OVER THE PLACE AND NOW I AM CLEANING IT UP! - this spot is stuck - i can get it - i can get - it maybe i can scrub it with my nails - look at this horsey is dirty too - did you poop in the potty horsey - always poop and flush horsey cute horsey - MOM! IS THIS HORSEY CUTE? - here is a spot on you - you can keep that spot - i wont clean it - i know you like it - horsey, don’t worry i’ll take care of you....’

I’m a sap

2006-05-25T12:56:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes, I did cry last night when Simon performed in his class play. He was just so cute and big and I was so full of love for him that half of the play looked blurry to me.

For a little while it looked as though he might not perform at all. When we showed up he was so excited and nervous he was air-punching, floor rolling, wild-eyed and would not let go of my leg. He told his teachers that he was just going to sit in my lap and watch. That is fine, they told him, let us know if you change your mind. A few minutes before the show was about to start, Simon decided that he was ready to put on his spider costume (that he made himself, all the kids make their own costume and plan their performance).

He did a great job! His spider hat was a good thing to hide behind while he was waiting for the show to start.

my rhododendron baby

2006-05-19T07:51:00.000-07:00

As you can see, Tess has decided that nothing is her favorite thing to wear. She doesn’t fight the putting on of clothes nor does she know how to get undressed herself. But if I say ‘want to be naked?’ she comes running, full of grins, her little hands pulling at her clothes. ‘Arms up’ I say and she flings her arms in the air. I love her little nakedness. I love how she looks astonished when she pees and how her belly sticks out further than her nose. But most of all I love her cute baby butt.

backyard pool

2006-05-18T09:36:00.000-07:00

box rides for Tess

2006-05-17T08:30:00.000-07:00

We've been a little cardboard obsessed these last few hot days. First, last weekend, the neighbor mom brought home a ton of cardboard and duct tape from Costco and all afternoon there were kids constructing in our backyards (while we clinked our glasses over the fence and gave each other long distance thumbs up from our Adirondack chairs). Then they filled up a kiddie pool and had sink-or-float construction testings.

This afternoon the kids played with the box from the new bunny hutch. First one kid figured out how to get inside standing up and twirl until she fell down. Then they took turns getting inside while the other kids whacked the box with Styrofoam swords (I couldn't figure out exactly why this bothered me, but I made them stop although they were in hysterics).

Then they figured out how to push Tess and make her laugh. She has a rare, infectious laugh that you'll do anything to replicate. Box pushing evolved into box pulling. They were having so much fun, I had to sprint for the camera.

not much going on

2006-05-16T11:57:00.000-07:00

It is hot here, in the upper 80s. The kids are mostly happy naked in the backyard playing in the plastic pool. Yesterday we went to Jamison Water Park, but the main pump was broken so there were about 100 kids in bathing suits and sunscreen and only one trickle of water. (the flavored ice stand was making a fortune)

The heat makes everyone a little more worn out by the end of the day. Yesterday in the car on the way home, an exhausted Simon had a complete melt down because I wouldn’t give him jellybeans for dinner. Then he took a rock out of his pocket and threw it at Pappy. (he missed but that is not the point)

Pappy is visiting and he thinks Tess looks just like me when I was a baby.

Tess got her well child check up today and they want me to bring her back in a month so they can closely track her weight gain. She is off the bottom of the chart. She weighed in at 17 pounds and she is 13 months. She has gained 10 pounds in year. She fits into the same summer outfits that she wore last year. The pediatrician said only whole fat foods for her. When we were leaving the office, Tess with huge tears on her cheeks from her shots, waves goodbye and says “ank ooo”, which means thank you. (Dave thinks she was saying fuck you but I’m going to assume the best).

sweet somethings

2006-05-13T20:31:00.000-07:00

Simon and I have been in a great groove together these past few days. Yesterday we were talking silly talk together in the backyard, planting some sunflower seeds, and giggling. Then he leaned over and rested his forehead on my shoulder and said in a sweet whisper "I love you so much, Mom. Our love is like The Never Ending Story".

The fierce sweetness that is inside Simon brings tears to my eyes.

yummy

2006-05-12T20:09:00.000-07:00

The kids are having a friend sleep over. We unfolded the sleeper sofa and everyone is cozy in pajamas watching the Chronicles of Narnia, snacking on the peanut butter cookies that Simon made today.

Peanut Butter Cookies
preheat oven to 375
beat 1 stick of butter until soft
blend in
1/2 cup each brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 egg
1 cup peanut butter (a nice creamy oily organic one works best)
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp vanilla
1 heaping cup of whole wheat flour

roll the dough into little balls about an inch thick
press halfway down with a fork to imprint
cook for 10 minutes and then cool on a rack

delish!

If I had a 100 days off, I would go canoeing. -Sammy

2006-05-11T12:41:00.000-07:00

smoothies and popsicles

2006-05-10T15:44:00.000-07:00

Simon is a smoothie addict and I don’t mind at all. It combines his addiction to power tools and fruit which allows me to sneak in all sorts of healthiness. It turns out that Tess also loves a smoothie. She gulps it through a straw.

We have a routine. He pulls out the stool and I pull out the blender. I pour the milk. He peels the banana, breaks it into pieces, and lets them fall in with a satisfying plop. He scoops and dumps the Kashi protein powder and I pour in the flax seed oil and flax seeds. He spoons in some plain yogurt. He tastes some frozen blueberries before deciding how many we should add. Tess squishes herself up on the stool next to Simon and swivels her head back and forth, taking careful note of every hand movement.

Now that it is getting hot out, we double the recipe and freeze half into our popsicle tray. Sitting in the sunshine on a warm afternoon with homemade pops is part of what makes life worth living.

pen and ink

2006-05-09T15:12:00.000-07:00

Simon is suddenly into art. It warms my heart to see his earnest head bobbing in concentration over his paper. He has been drawing pen and ink, these elaborate circles filled with Xs, or long legged many eyed people. I want to swoop them out from under him half completed into large picture frames. But the final step for Simon is cutting his drawings up into little pieces and stuffing them in an envelope.

He is also mimicking the alphabet. After we addressed envelopes to Emily and Omi, he made an entire page full of perfect Ms. I’d show it to you but then he cut it up into little pieces.

Here are two drawings that I found discarded on the floor.

Figure 1. Sponge Bob Square Pants

Figure 2. An Octopus with many mouths

It may also be worth mentioning that my scissor loving, budding artist seems to have clipped segments of our dog's hair in a very UN-artistic way.

whipped cream and pumpkin pie

2006-05-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

This morning Sammy lost another tooth, the bottom one that is under his top missing tooth. Now he has a nice gap perfectly shaped for sticking french fries through.

-

Yesterday Simon and I made a rainy sunday pumpkin pie. When it was all done, we decided to have dessert at 3pm instead of after dinner. So we whipped up some cream and Tess spent about an hour licking her beater.

The very last nursing.

2006-05-07T09:45:00.000-07:00

For the past 7 years, through pregnancies and births and nursing, I have shared my body. For years I have had more than one digestive tract. I have often wondered as I put something in my mouth - How long will it take to come out my baby’s ass?

If I step back emotionally then it seems like sharing my body with babies growing, emerging, and feeding is pure science fiction. My body can grow actual people in a watery pouch I contain in my body? After I birth my babies, my body makes the perfect food which squirts out these mounds in my chest?

My body has changed into a lumpy pillow because of these miracles. All day long I look at the smooth beautiful skin of my children, and you can imagine the shock when I look in the mirror I see a crumpled, hairy, paper bag.

Worthwhile sacrifices.

For the last few weeks I have been weaning Tess slowly. First I cut out the daily nursings and then the going-to-sleep nursings. Then we didn’t nurse for two nights. Suddenly this body sharing lost its scientific relevance and I was just plain sad. I’ve nursed my babies through the first slickness of the newborn mewing to the twisting antics of a toddler. I felt incredibly heartbroken saying goodbye to these quiet moments with my babies. Tiny eyes rolling back in saturated slumber and dribbles of milk filling in lip creases while I watch in rapture. Time has snuck by me. And the sadness bundled up in a throaty ball. Saying goodbye to this era is so bittersweet and I needed closure. We had one last nursing.

She grinned at me and I smiled at her and we slid into our familiar positions, tucked into each other like a human envelope. I thought good and hard on all those nursing memories, each of my babies and their milky growth into the people they are becoming, separate from me. My tears got stuck inside but I cried dry tears as my milk let down for the last time.

(I couldn't get this written right. Maybe because it still feels so emotionally raw to me.)

Sammy loves Tee-Ball

2006-05-06T14:28:00.000-07:00

zoo trip

2006-05-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

Simon and Piper spent a lot of time climbing in the animal playground.

car conversation with Simon on the way home from preschool

2006-05-03T19:15:00.000-07:00

Me – So Simon, you are growing butterflies in your classroom? Are you excited to see them hatch?

Simon – No.

Me – You are not growing butterflies?

Simon – No.

Me – Well, first you had caterpillars, right? In those little jars?

Simon – Yeah.

Me – And then they changed into what?

Simon – christ-a-mas

Me – You mean a chrysalis?

Simon – Christmas.

Me – Well... ...what is inside the chrysalis? What is going to hatch soon?

Simon – Candy with sprinkles.

(momentary pause while Simon contemplates the turkey sandwich in his lap that he has de-layered all over his knees)

Simon – Rainbow sprinkles.

I found my hankie.

2006-05-02T07:59:00.000-07:00

Tess has been waking up with a runny nose every morning. It doesn’t start right away, although the tell-tale signs are crusted in her eyelashes while she grins her morning grins.

It starts after breakfast, usually with a sneeze. Suddenly there are boogies dripping down her chin (webbing over her mouth). This lasts all morning until after naptime, when the boogies have magically disappeared, leaving behind a thin nasal shaped shell. Welcome to my (occasionally gag-me gross) world.

We are constantly running low on our Trader Joe’s tissues, so I have revived all my old cotton hankies. My all time favorite handkerchief I got from my mom. It is light brown and it has Edelweiss and cows on it. My thin Swiss hankie is soft and big and I love it. I have had it for years.

But on the scramble to the children’s museum I couldn’t find it. I have a special tucking spot for hankies on my diaper bag and where was the missing hankie? I was still shrugging as I closed the front door behind me, wondering which duvet corner it was wadded into.

At the children’s museum we rampaged straight through the musical area, where Simon and Tess used their mallets to bang everything in sight, including each other. We painted our faces. We drew with flashlights on the light absorbing wall. Then I finally corralled them both into the baby room which was miraculously empty. I sunk with relief into the nursing chair. Tess began her stair climbing/slide obsession in the corner. Simon began playing “Dad” to the huge pile of baby dolls and their log cradle.

In that neatly cleaned stack of doll blankies was my hankie. In the children’s museum in the baby section where the baby dolls are, someone has been cleaning and folding my hankie. Strange children have been playing house with it. This is a one-of-a-kind kerchief. There is no mistaking it. How unbelievable is it that I was searching at home for it and then drove to a museum and then found my hankie folded and waiting in a pile of baby dolls. It both seems obvious and incomprehensible at the same time. Sigh.

baby in the baby swing

2006-04-30T21:48:00.000-07:00

hanging up the honduran hammocks

2006-04-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

Long, lazy Sunday with Noah’s bagels and cream cheeses for breakfast. Lounging in the sunshine, wearing pajamas, mopping the kitchen with a new mop, drinking coffee, roasting beets and sausages, this is what it is all about. We hung the Honduran hammocks, played tic-tac-toe with chalk, and the baby took a long nap.

extreme backyard

2006-04-29T15:26:00.000-07:00

old dog on an april afternoon

2006-04-28T13:13:00.000-07:00

warm spring air

2006-04-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday felt like summer. The kids dragged out the plastic pool and ran matchbox cars down the slide into the water. Then they stripped down and ran naked through the sprinkler. All the windows and doors were open and a soft breeze carrying the scent of cut grass and dirt wafted through the house.

Today the clouds and coolness have returned and everything looks grim and neglected. I am trying to catch up on meal cooking and laundry folding and blogging. Poor hungry blog. The other night in the bathtub, Tess had three whisks and she couldn’t hold them all in her hands at the same time. She’d put one down to pick one up and then look at the one she put down. So she’d put a different one down to pick up the other one... It reminds me of my life right now. Not enough hands for everything, trying to shuffle it all into place where there is none. Not that it is a bad thing, just a busy thing. Sort of a mind-fuck thing.

Tee-Ball season has started up again and this year I am the ‘team mom’ which means I do all the paperwork and the team organizing. We have a great team this year and Sammy loves it. Go Blue Dragons! Games and practices get our family out of the house and running around outside. That is nice, especially on those evenings when the sunlight comes slanting down and gives everyone a rosy completion.

Dave has been motivating on some small home projects. He finished the hallway to the bedrooms one weekend. The doors are all painted and handles are on. I began measuring the kids on the back of the linen closet door. They always want to check and see if they are growing. The next weekend Dave put a banister on the steps to the basement and coated the steps with a non-skid paint. I am glad those steps are a little safer now.

I am trying to do some spring cleaning, purging the toys and re-organizing the storage room, but it comes in spurts. Simon loves to help clean windows and organize but he’s a trouble maker and I can’t take my eyes off his ‘helping’. “Simon, Tess does not need Windex in her eyes or screwdrivers in her ears. If you want to play doctor, go get the doctor toys.”

Tess is weaning. First we cut out all the daytime nursings and that went no problem. Then we cut out the naptime nursing and that is touch and go, mostly she doesn’t fuss much about it. I wrap her in her special fuzzy green blankie and rock her while she hums, sucks on her fingers or her sippy cup of water. When she is almost asleep I put her in her crib and she moans around for a few minutes before rolling over on her chest, sticking her hands under her belly, and pushing her ass in the air. Last night was the first night going down without nursing, and she was pretty pissed. She doesn’t try and nurse but she was crying a new kind of cry and trying to push me away and pull me close at the same time. We’ll do that for a few days and then go cut out the early morning nursings. I am really ready to have my body and my bed back.

Now that I have fed my blog, I have to go feed the neighborhood. I am cooking enchiladas and quinoa salad for food exchange.

Sammy at the skate park on his scooter

2006-04-18T22:06:00.000-07:00

Awwww, check out the little hippies.

2006-04-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

For art this week, we did a tie-dye class with some of Simon’s classmates and their families. The kids were so into it.

Today we rinsed out our tee-shirts and they were hyper-happy about the results. Simon made one ‘rainbow’ shirt and Sammy made two shirts for himself, two for Tess, and one for Simon. In mostly blues and reds and (obviously) purples, the results are fabulous.

Sugar high, Sugar low - Sugar come, Sugar go

2006-04-16T09:06:00.000-07:00

crayons, cups of food coloring, the smell of vinegar, and globs of glitter glue

2006-04-15T12:10:00.000-07:00

Let Her Eat (cheese)Cake

2006-04-14T00:06:00.000-07:00

We sang and ate as a family, just us, all together.

Tess loves cheesecake. Who knew? She even invited her foot to join in the festivities.

The best gift she got was an antique, painted portrait of her great-grandmother. A more heart wrenching gift could not be given. Thank you so much Honeybear. We love it. And yes, Tess does have her same mouth.

Tess, my baby girl, you are a year old.

2006-04-13T11:11:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here, thinking on how a year ago I was moaning and grunting. I had no idea what an amazing person you were going to be, soon to come out of me unexpectedly into the bath with your nose creased, which made you look like you had one huge eye.

I remember so clearly that first long night, staring at you in disbelief. How suddenly you were there, a part of my life. I remember when you first met your brothers. Every photo has a blurry spot. You are constantly surrounded by so many quickly moving arms and legs.

And here we are, a year older. You sing when you are sleepy. You hum while you nurse. You hold your hands above your head and twirl when you dance. Every day I shove my face into your neck and I breathe in your babyness and I whisper my loves into your ear and you twist away, too busy for all this squeezing. Your kisses are sweet and random. But I don’t care, I’ll take anything you give me.

I love every inch of you. Every mood swing, every tantrum, every soft spot. There is so much this month that changes you. You eat, mimic your brothers, play repetitive games, like to be tickled, love to play monster, adore books and sitting in my lap.

You complete our family in such a vital way. Your scent, your girlishness, your devious sideways glance when you toss something in the trashcan (my toothbrush). There are no words to mirror the joy you bring us, no way to convey to you how you make me happy every day. With tears on my cheeks, I wish you the bestest first birthday and I hope only for many more to come.

The tooth fairy will visit us tonight for the first time.

2006-04-07T16:04:00.000-07:00

Well, it dangled for many days. Dave and I have been sitting on our hands, trying to control the urge to just yank it out. But this morning, Sammy's tooth finally fell out into his cereal.

After the kids go to bed, I throw away their toys.

2006-04-05T22:38:00.000-07:00

Spring cleaning time has come, so I am not kidding. Boxes and bags of broken toys, useless pieces, are junked or donated. One of Sammy’s chores is taking out the trash. He wants to know why I am taking out the trash right now. Well, because you have X-Ray eyes and in the amount of time it takes you to drag your feet to the trash can, you’ll see right though this double layered leaf-n-lawn bag to your beloved broken treasures and then I’ll be back to square psycho.
Before I pick Simon up at pre-school I make sure I leave enough time to empty a few boxes at my favorite thrift store donation alley. Why is it that the stuff in that donation pile appeals to me more than the stuff in the store? Can’t I just make an offer right now? Can’t I just trade all my stuff for that stuff? Come on, my kids are buckled up and this curb style shopping really flows with nap time.

So many toys are outgrown by the boys and I don’t know if I can pass them on yet. Will Tess grow to love Thomas and wooden train sets? (Please don’t) The big, dusty container of wooden blocks can go, so I add them to the metal Move Out list. But then the next day the neighbor comes over and the kids haul out the blocks for the first time in years and play with them all afternoon. No fighting or throwing or anything. Stay or Go? Stay or Go? I am trying to not be ambivalent, trying to just purge, shed the mess and the toys and let it all flow away from me. But an afternoon of happy wooden block playing, well, that just confuses me. Those can stay a little longer.

Toy sets have been reunited, puzzles are complete, dolls are wearing clothes, and *gasp* all of our markers work. One evening a while back, Emily and I watched sto-opid TV and cleaned out the entire overflowing toy box, right down to the last crusty apple slice. In the morning, Sammy woke up and saw the neatly separated, transparent plastic boxes of organized toys. “Look” he cried, “Remember these?” He played with them for hours. Then he put them all back in their neatly compartmentalized containers. He opened the toy box and for a second he just stared at the thin layer of leftover toys that defied every aspect of compartmentalization. “Oh, Mama” he whispered “You got all new stuff”.

Our Orcas Island cabin

2006-04-01T09:12:00.000-08:00

Me and my three kids on Orcas Island sand.

2006-03-31T09:35:00.000-08:00

Group shots taken on Orcas Island

2006-03-30T13:32:00.000-08:00

On the ferry to Orcas Island.

2006-03-30T07:43:00.000-08:00

We spent a lot of time driving around in the car.

2006-03-29T16:35:00.000-08:00

Amazingly Wonderful Family Adventure

2006-03-28T18:53:00.000-08:00

We just got back from a fantastic long weekend on Orcas Island. Many memory sticks have been filled with photos.

Now we are sitting around in our post-car trip fog, or wandering aimlessly around the house, wondering Why? Why didn't I order the mushroom and swiss cheese crepes for breakfast? Why don't we live on Orcas Island? Why did our kids behave so perfectly wonderful the entire trip...

I did have to hug my sister goodbye, which was heart wrenching. But leaving her on the most beautiful spot on earth made it feel a little less sad. And knowing I'll see her soon me feel a little better. But not having her next to me makes me a little tearful all over again. Love. That. Girl.

Baby's First Blueberries

2006-03-23T12:32:00.000-08:00

This is a weird angle for Tess. Her cheeks don't look like bowling balls in real life. But still, the stain of the first blueberry fest begs to be documented.

Pajama Obsession

2006-03-22T08:55:00.000-08:00

Simon is completely consumed with his love for pajamas. By 10am on some days, he has already worn about 6 different pairs, because if one gets a tiny speck of dampness anywhere then his whole 'outfit' has to be changed. This combination of pajama-love and damp-hate has my pile of laundry overflowing. Sammy has offered all of his pajamas over to Simon to support his addiction.

I often tire of fighting Simon out of his pajamas. So, if you see a kid running around the grocery store in a pink strawberry printed top, blue stripy bottoms, Dalmatian print rubber boots, perhaps a purple curly hair wig, and definitely a shiny red cape that sports ‘Super Simon’ on the back, that would be my kid.

Tess at 11 months

2006-03-21T14:04:00.000-08:00

Sammy can read!

2006-03-20T07:40:00.000-08:00

This is very exciting and it makes my heart beat with pleasure every day. Sammy reads. He can read whole books. He can sound out words. He positively glows with pride, red cheeked and all.

Sammy has a signature style of comprehension that I totally relate to. I love how he stares at a word for a long time, so long in fact that sometimes I am about to just tell him what the word is, and then he blurts out ‘pickle’ and I give his shoulder a little love squeeze and we carry on. I love how he reads pages twice, once to understand the words, and then again with verbal flourishes.

Books and words are so important to me. I want to pass on the love (borderline addiction) I feel for books to my children. I do a great job modeling good reading habits (not now, baby, just let me finish this page). I do a consistent job taking them to the library and checking out books -or- buying lots of great books on sale at Powells. There are plenty of fantastic books within an arm’s reach at all times. But actually reading a book to them sometimes makes me feel as if my spine is a wiggling snake. I get really squirmy.

For so long I was tormented because I love to read and yet reading to my kids was a sort of chore. When the kids are interested in the book, and they sit and listen, I enjoy reading to them. But so much of the time they just fight over who gets which inch of my lap and then try and turn the process into one big tickle fight; they try and help turn the pages backwards; they ask a ton of questions; they rip the flaps off the flap books; they get up in the middle of the book and walk away. I hate that I get frustrated, that I skip pages, and that I sometimes end up stalking away in the middle of a reading session. I mean, what sort of book smarts am I passing on in that sort of situation? Not good.

But now that Sammy and I are reading together, it is so new and exciting for each of us. We are both so cozy and still with our bodies resting on each other, our eyes following the same pathway along the page. We both like the silly stories that make us laugh. Sometimes we crack up so much we cry hilarious tears. This is a new page unfolding for us.

I am in awe of Sammy and how complex he is becoming. The spiral of his conscious being spreads out and I don’t get nearly enough time to just hold him and love every inch of his being. He is simply fantastic.

Tess is 11 months

2006-03-19T07:54:00.000-08:00

She climbs. She runs. She won’t take a nap.

This past month Tess has not learned any new words, because she has discovered that all she really needs is to be able to shake her head ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ and say ‘That’. The word ‘That’ for Tess stands for everything, and she has tested the outermost limits of tonal inflection. Using one word, Tess would be able to address the country better than the president. That. that that that. That? THAT!!!!! Emily asked “I wonder how often she says That. I mean, she says it about twice a minute”. Maybe we’ll count sometime. Usually the word ‘That’ is accompanied by finger pointing.

Tess got her first pair of big girl shoes. They are so pink and small; they look like a joke in the closet, set in pairs with our other family shoes. Tess clumps around the house. As we lift Tess out of her eating chair, sometimes her shoes catch the edge and slip off. If that happens then she immediately wants to pick them up and hug them to her neck with all the dramatic passion of a daytime soap opera.

She loves to climb. She sometimes goes up to something and lifts one knee, just checking to see what the climb-ability factor is. When it comes to kitchen step ladders and bunny cages, watch out. Also beware of the bowl of dog water which is a lot of fun to dump over.

Tess has also learned how to make a half turn, back up, and sit down. She loves this. She sits on steps, on laps, on brothers, laundry, books, bunny rabbits, dogs, rubber boots, and single socks. Sometimes she’ll be running around and come across something. “That, that, that?” She’ll point and wonder then say “[oh], that” while nodding her head and she’ll pivot, back up and plop down on it. It is amazing that Bun Bun’s head is not permanently dented with an imprint of Tess’ ass.

This month Tess began to multitask while nursing. She can do almost everything, undress me, tear pages from the book I am reading, even a nearly complete summersault. Suddenly the thought of weaning is more appealing. Tess’ most favorite activity to combine with nursing is singing. She hums long, lilting songs which eventually seem to put her to sleep. But that is so cute that suddenly weaning seems completely unnecessary.

There are so many little things, too, about Tess right now. Her eyes are still half brown half grey-green. Her hair makes one single curl in the back when it is clean. She won’t get in the bath without a grown up to cling to. Sometimes she takes 3 hour naps (I love the break although I sometimes get caught in this limbo - I want to check on her but it might wake her up so the long nap gets increasingly harder to relax and enjoy as it goes on and on). Tess has 4 teeth in (2 toppers, 2 bottom) and 2 teeth in progress (canine). She loves Hylands teething tablets, and always wants more of THAT! She has discovered the satisfying plop of toys as they fall into the toilet. She has discovered how much toilet paper is on a roll (That?).

The other day I was at OMSI and there was a dad standing half awake, watching his toddler run amok. In his arms slept a tiny newborn baby swaddled in a soft blue blanket with a matching hat. I pained me to tear my eyes away from that baby. I looked at Tess, handing out plastic fruit in the grocery store (‘That.’ she says delightedly to each child she gives one to). Where did my baby go?

Sorry

2006-03-15T14:59:00.000-08:00

Things are busy. I need a bit of a blog break...

Bun Bun is hanging out watching the season premier of the Sopranos.

2006-03-12T22:08:00.000-08:00

Haircut Befores and Afters

2006-03-11T11:33:00.000-08:00

The haircut strike has finally ended and the boys decided that they really do prefer short hair. A couple of combing out of mini-dreads and after getting poked in the eyes (“and poked inside my ear, too, Mom!”) by long bangs, both of them begged for a trip to their favorite haircut salon.

Here are some before and after photos. I really did love the long hair look on both of them, especially Simon. Sammy looks pissed in his after pictures because he felt I was delaying his root-beer lollypop experience by taking more pictures than he felt was necessary.

Groceries and Growth Spurts

2006-03-10T22:12:00.000-08:00

The kids are on a growth spurt and my grocery shopping list can’t keep up with the demands. It seems like every five minutes someone is shaking an empty gallon of milk at me. We go through cheese nonstop. If I could film 24 hours of my refrigerator action, and show it to you in fast forward motion, you’d snort your drink out your nose. It gets comical, especially with the recent snowball experiments in the freezer (saving some for summer - have to check on them frequently). If the fridge opens, Tess will instantly be there, rock climbing her way to the beer shelf, making me unpry her white knuckles and slam the door quickly before she slips in there again.

Not so long ago, I remember pretending each bite was a baby shark playing hide and seek, looking for his friends in tongue filled caves. Now the boys wipe out their plates and practically lick them clean within minutes. For example, today Simon ate a normal breakfast of oatmeal, then had a snack apple and a soymilk box. For lunch I made him a tuna sandwich. He ate all of it and asked for a banana. Then he ate FOUR bananas. We went off to the grocery store (yes, bananas were on the list, and milk, too...). As soon as we buckled up, Simon says he is hungry (but he just finished eating four bananas and a sandwich!!!). At Fred Meyer we get a bag of Goldfish crackers for him to snack on while we shop. He eats the entire bag. So we get another one to bring home. At home, he wants another banana. I mean, come on, is this crazy or what? It is only 2pm!

So Simon is growing and I think he is going to catch up with Sammy. Sammy is not a big kid. The kindergarten class line does a noticeable dip when it reaches him. He is 6 and a half and some of his clothes are still size 4T. As it stands now, the hand-me-downs from Sammy to Simon just go from one dresser to the other, never leaving the laundry cycle or the bedroom.

Someday I think I’ll look back on this post and laugh at myself. Because I’ll have two teenage boys and teenage girl and I bet they eat a ton more than they do now. But today, when an entire large pizza disappears between the boys, I am just in awe.

Snow!

2006-03-09T20:05:00.000-08:00

Last night when I went to bed, some flakes were coming down. By the middle of the night, when I was rolling around trying to nurse Tess without putting my arm to sleep, I noticed the romantic dusting upon the trees and bushes outside. I got that sliver of excitement that the flurries bring on.

At 6am Sammy shrieked SNOW! And within seconds both boys were helping each other find socks and rubber boots, unhooking the bag of hats and gloves and spewing mismatched knits all over the house. I heard Sammy say to Simon "I am just so glad we are alive!" For two hours they ran in the backyard rolling through four inches of snow, finally settling on standing on the sled “snowboarding” sliding down the path.

There has been rain and snow off and on all day and now in the glow of the evening lamplights, I see more snow flocking down.

Family News

2006-03-08T10:51:00.000-08:00

Sammy Reporting...

This is me and Emily and my mom picking up Omi at the airport.

(The image can be hard to see, but I am holding Tess. Sammy is yelling "OMI!". Emily is smiling. On the otherside of the glass window, Omi has hearts coming out of her eyes.)

Nickel Arcade

2006-03-06T19:38:00.000-08:00

Emily and I took the kids to the nickel arcade. Fun fun fun.

2006-03-05T15:19:00.000-08:00

Collage Boxes

2006-03-04T17:51:00.000-08:00

For art class this week we looked at library books about the artist Joseph Cornell. Then we made collage boxes inspired by him. I was really impressed with how well Simon could cut with scissors (his pre-school teacher commented on his scissor skills at Simon’s parent/teacher conference as well). Ariel learned how to use a bone folder. The girl has a serious knack for office supplies. Collage chaos was fun (thanks for the National Geographic stack, Tan).

We started working on our story for next week. We are making a book – first writing the story, then making collage backgrounds, and then I’ll take photos of the kids acting out the parts. I will superimpose the photos of them on the collage backgrounds. We’ll send away for the book to be bound into "real" hard-back books. Pretty exciting!

World Forestry Center

2006-03-02T19:50:00.000-08:00

We went to the World Forestry Center yesterday. What a great place to play!

One Love

2006-03-01T18:14:00.000-08:00

In the past couple of weeks I have suddenly felt a sliver of clarity. I have (dare I say it?) had glints where I am purely happy with my kids.

One of these moments hit me in the changing room at the pool.

After I faked out the boys (my dejected expression while on the phone making them think the pool was closed) we all laughed at my gag and jubilantly prepared for our water adventure. As usual, it took over an hour to get out the door. The boys (unbelievably) jumped up and down the entire time, following me around the house, chanting Swimming! Swimming! More than once I had to say “I know you guys are excited but please don’t jump directly on me.”

I had to find a bathing suit for Tess in her huge box of ‘Clothes to Grow Into’. This was Tess’ first swimming pool experience. I brought the beloved old yellow tube babyseat. (When Sammy was a baby, I would take him swimming and he’d be so excited that as soon as we got in the pool, I’d put him in the tube and he’d fall asleep within 2 minutes.) Tess wanted nothing to do with the tube. When we got in the water, she hooked her tiny hands, each one around one of my bathing suit straps, rested her head on my neck and didn’t move a muscle the whole time. Everyone kept splashing her in the face by accident and she hated that. She was intrigued yet completely freaked out.

Sammy and Simon are fearless fish. They dive like dolphins; they jump without caring for an arm to catch them. Sammy loves the deep end, which he can traverse with a good crawl stroke broken by a breathing/treading/face-wiping routine. Simon’s favorite thing to do is to jump into the water. He loves to thrash around ‘swimming’ underwater. Half the time I can’t tell if he is laughing or choking. It used to totally freak me out, but now I see that he is actually in control of his submersion and as long as he can touch bottom, he is fine to flounder to his heart’s content.

We stayed in the water until our lips were blue and our fingers wrinkled. All was good until we stepped out of the pool room into the freezing Community Center air. Tess freaked out. The boys began whining in stereo. I had Tess, with tears streaming down her cheeks, on one of my hips. My other hand pushed the tipsy umbrella stroller overspilling with wet towels, rubber boots, clean underpants, jackets and diapers.

Once in the family changing room, things are still rough. All of us are naked, the water is too hot, and we can’t all fit under the single shower to burn ourselves warm at once. I finally get Tess all dressed and buckle her into her stroller so I can focus on myself and the boys. She is still crying. Sammy says, “Lets all sing to Baby Tess” and we launch into Here’s a Ball for Baby. Tess sticks her thumb in her mouth and watches us with shining, sleepy eyes. We shower and shampoo, pass around each other’s clothes, all the while singing. We sing Jingle Bells and Row Row Row Your Boat, The ABCs and Puff the Magic Dragon (just the refrain over and over). That was the moment for me, when all the pieces fell in place. We were helping each other get dressed, filling the room with our song, smiling through our lullabies. We were one team, one love. Then we went and got some red licorice.

In the last 24 hours, I have removed these items from Tess’ mouth –

2006-02-27T14:27:00.000-08:00

2 heart shaped stickers
1 Batman sticker
1 Lego knight shield
1 flower shaped ‘emerald’ ring (from the dentist’s office toy drawer)
1 cardboard label
2 crayon fragments
1 heart shaped piece of Styrofoam
1 bunny poop (yeah, I was gagging, too)
1 rubber band
1 piece uncooked pasta
1 piece conversation heart candy

These were in her mouth, not her hand, or the list would be too long. As you can tell, the Valentine craft supplies are still being used.

Look for lists in the future titled “Things I have caught Tess throwing in the trash can” combined with “Things that have suddenly gone missing and I suspect Tess may have put in the trash can”.

Tess

2006-02-26T10:03:00.000-08:00

Sammy

2006-02-25T08:49:00.000-08:00

Simon

2006-02-24T11:31:00.000-08:00

Band Practice

2006-02-23T19:08:00.000-08:00

Dressed for Success

2006-02-22T21:46:00.000-08:00

Today the boys played with stickers, envelopes, all the rubber boots in the house, and a huge roll of paper all morning. I have no idea what they were doing. I was busy finding rice crackers in every corner of every room, and figuring out creative ways to stack crammed-full laundry baskets on top of each other without toppling over.

Later, after a visit from friends, a tea party, muffin making and sandwich munching, Coco showed up. Simon had been running around naked for about 3 hours. I told them all to get ready to go to the science museum as soon as Tess woke up from her nap.

Here is Simon, all dressed for OMSI. (ps - the wig is purple)

Small Things

2006-02-20T21:10:00.000-08:00

Tess has two new bottom teeth. During the past few days she has enjoyed rubbing her swollen gums on me while nursing. Fun for her, not so fun for me. Especially all night.

We saw a very small amount of snowflakes today which created great excitement in our home (no accumulation).

I am working out once a day in the evening at the gym across the street.

For art class we went on a field trip to the Oregon College of Art and Craft to see the studios and then to the Portland Art Museum. I was inspired (Basket weaving? Sculpture? Masks? Beading? Modern Sculpture? Next time we visit the art museum we’ll bring sketch pads to copy art in.). The kids were worn out.

The boys’ hair needs a cut. But they don’t want haircuts. Sammy wants to grow his long and still be a boy. Simon is adorable with longer hair.

Tess loves her baby doll. Oh my god, she’s a girl. I still can’t believe it. She also loves a cup and a spoon. She’ll play with those, mixing invisible things, for a long time.

Aunt Sue sent a huge package of racecar track from her boys to mine. What a hit! Track is everywhere and not even any fighting (yet).

Long weekend here in Portland. No school for 5 days.

Tess is suddenly eating a lot of solid food. Suddenly it is fun to feed her.

Superhero Sunday

2006-02-19T10:38:00.000-08:00

An afternoon ball

2006-02-16T16:37:00.000-08:00

Warm Buddies

2006-02-15T19:39:00.000-08:00

Art class was really fantastic this week although it didn’t start out well. Simon was in rare form, pushing my buttons all day. By the time art class started I was completely exhausted, dehydrated, starving, and I had no more patience.

This week our theme was sewing and we started off making Warm Buddies. We sewed simple shapes and filled them with rice so they can be warmed in the microwave. Sammy and Ariel made people and Simon made a long snake. Once we got started and the wheels started turning, we all got really into it and had a great time. Simon took a break from pissing me off and fell in love with his snake. Once we had our new warm friends, the kids naturally fell to accessorizing.

Simon was the first one to realize that no Warm Buddy is complete without a pillow and a blankie. Then Simon crawled around with his snake draped over his back with a pillow. For like an hour.

Ariel made a bag, than another purse with a fancy stitch (she was dying to use a fancy stitch) and three small pillows and a sleeping bag and a blanket for her Warm Buddy.

Sammy made his Warm Buddy a soft book with a story drawn inside and a bag (with a pocket) and a flat pillow and a blanket.

The kids helped with the sewing machine. They sat in my lap and did the petal or the fabric guiding or both. “I am sewing all by myself!” said Sammy. We checked out the innards of the machine and we wound a bobbin. We learned about raising the foot and checked out the different stitches and we learned how to turn the knob to raise or lower the needle.

“Thumb”body Loves You

2006-02-14T11:17:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine Day everyone! Hugs and kisses all around.

The boys ran to school, trembling with excitement, their homemade valentines in their bags. We made tiny rose-scented, heart-shaped soaps and packaged them into cards. Last night Dave made each of the boys a valentine card with our art supplies and when the boys tumbled out of bed in the morning, the cards were ready for them in the playroom. I am going to do a valentine treasure hunt when they come home from school and the treasure are two small thermometers to hang on their jacket zippers. For Dave I got some rose shaped bath oil/soaps and I coordinated both of the boys on sleepovers this weekend so Dave and I can have a long date (with Tess, but still, ooo la, la!). I had a wonderful breakfast with my sister this morning and all the hugs and kisses a girl could ever hope for.

My baby grows.

2006-02-13T08:20:00.004-08:00

Tess, when I tell you that you are 10 months old today, you tilt your head, wrinkle your nose, and smile. Suddenly your first birthday peaks over the horizon.

This has been such a huge month, such a developmental leap out of infanthood into toddlering about. Your legs are strong and sturdy. You don’t crawl anymore. Ever. You even attempt at running sometimes (especially when you know I am about to take away whatever is in your hand), but that never works out right.

You are undeniably dainty. At 10 months you still fit into most of your 3-6 month sized clothes. I recently took you to Haggis McBaggis and your little feet are size 17.5. We’ll have to special order you some ‘real’ shoes. I love your littleness. Your body is perfect in every way. I love to hold you and dress you and kiss you all over. I love to nurse you and I love how you monkey grasp my hip while I putter around the house.

You definitely don’t have a consistant interest in solid food. Your favorite is whatever you have never had before. Something new and you are psyched to chow down. If you have tasted it within the past month, you shake your head and say “Nuh Uh”. If you see Dave eating (from across the room) you will get to him as quickly as you possibly can to investigate. We upgraded you to a chair that locks onto the kitchen island, so you eat with the rest of us. You love being part of the action, face level. You like to feed your baby doll while you eat and both of you get filthy (I got her on sale for Sammy when Simon was born for cheep because she has two left feet). You are picky about how big your bites are and what they look like. You won’t take a bite unless you check it out first. You have a good pincher grasp and you’ll give your food a tiny squeeze before sticking it into your mouth.

Your mouth. When you got to meet your Omi for the first time this month, it was decided that you have your grandmother’s mouth. Loie seconded the motion. There are genes that are passed down only from woman to woman. Of your generation, you are the only female to female descendant of your grandmother, Thea Drew. And you have her mouth to eat with and kiss and talk and sing and quiver. When you smile these days, I see two shiny new teethes on top, sparkling and sharp as all get out.

You point all the time “This?” you say or “That?” Your vocabulary increases and then decreases. You learn one word and then you forget it for awhile and then it comes back again. This month you have said lots of words like “Bath!” while holding on to the edge of the tub and enthusiastically nodding your head. “No.” I say while sitting on the toilet, “No Bath Now.” But you are undefeated “Bath! Baf! Baf!” while smiling and nodding. Do you want a bath or are you confirming that baths happen? I don’t know, but you waved goodbye to the bathtub when we left the bathroom.

Your days are spent investigating and you are increasingly undeterred from your path. Because you are my third kid, your newfound stubbornness is not a surprise. All kids have their little quirks. You are finicky about which breast you nurse on although not always choosing the same side; you have some sort of inexplicable pattern for nursing that I can’t figure out or control. You have learned to arch your back and scream when it is time to buckle in your car seat.

There are many new favorite activities that you enjoy. You love Simon’s goldfish and Hylands Teething Tablets. You love your brothers’ clothes and you bring them to me and shake them and push them against my leg until I put them on you and then you grin wildly. You love to chew on your brother’s clothes and leave wet spots all over them. I do laundry behind your back. You hold up napkins and play peek-a-boo which kills me with cuteness every time, and you like books that have photos of babies because you love to turn the pages and plant kisses on every mouth.

I have to watch you all the time. Because you amaze me and I don’t ever want to miss a moment of your life and because you are always finding tiny choking hazards to plant in your mouth. I don’t tire of you, though. I have yet to find you exasperating or frustrating. There was one night when you wouldn’t fall asleep and that was pretty annoying, but mostly I am just thrilled with you. This month you bonked your head and I picked you up and held you while you cried. After some long shaky breaths, you leaned your head against my heart and sighed “Mama”. You are an amazing gift to my life and I rejoice in you.

Weekend Adventure

2006-02-12T22:29:00.000-08:00

midnight blogging

2006-02-11T00:24:00.000-08:00

It was a fun valentine craft party yesterday with some of Sam and Simon’s friends. We painted heart jewel necklaces on rainbow ribbons, beaded wires and shaped them into window ornaments, ran around playing tag or watching through the window, ate pizza, decorated cookies, and then had free-art paper time.

After some guests left, an entire mini-van of us went to a fundraiser where I ran the duck pond booth and Simon won a bag of four live goldfish, three of which survived the ride home. (Yeah. More pets. Forgive my lack of enthusiasm.) By the time we got home at nearly 10pm Simon was completely sacked out (‘Told you!’ said Dave – ‘Duh?’ said I), Sammy was so tired he thought his foot was broken, Dave and I headed for the beer without pause, and Tess woke up ready to play which is why I am blogging in the middle of the night.

It’s a deal.

2006-02-10T13:48:00.000-08:00

My motivation to clean was starting to lag. I began walking in circles with Tess in the sling, trying to rock her to sleep, wondering if I should just give up forever.

But then this tiny, pajama-clad Viking came and whipped everything into shape. My home is sparkling! The plants are watered to the brim, the windows are streaked with windex. And all the Viking wants in exchange is a moment alone with matchbox motorcycles and the pirate castle.

No time for blogging right now.

2006-02-09T12:28:00.000-08:00

Tess is teething and has a (don’t-put-me-down) head cold. I am operating with only one hand. We have valentine cards in the making and a craft party to prepare for. I am trying to get our taxes all lined up which has catapulted me into some sort of cleaning/purging frenzy. I am completely jacked on coffee and my hair is a mess.

I am thinking of fantastic blogging topics while I putter and then they all slip out of my head right away.

Back to wiping runny noses with unmatched socks.